4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize