How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
