The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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