so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
