I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
