first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
