sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
