When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
