dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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