This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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