what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
