theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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