I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
