Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The best revenge is premature balding
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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