1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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