its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
