Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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