Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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