im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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