I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
