JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
