you guys were way drunker than both of me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
