It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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