Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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