We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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