so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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