i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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