dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize