Only a mothe r could love this liver
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
