and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
