i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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