glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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