I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
