the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
