Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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