trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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