he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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