I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize