i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
