I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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