I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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