also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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