fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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