As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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