I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize