oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
