I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
