remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
