i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just pee around me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
