we have pet lesbian snakes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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