There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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