Capitaan dildo arrescate!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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