I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
