return my video game
Just fell off a train. Bad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
