reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
