i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
