just tell him i said nine months
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You ruined the universe
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
