Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
