Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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