I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
