is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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