Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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