She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
