they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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