That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
