Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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