turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
