I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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