You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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