we're blogging at a bar
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
