I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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