I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
