I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
